Saibh Aislin
by evening spirit
Summary: A presence of another human being is always a shock. This time, though, it's completely earth shattering. Potential trigger warning for: solitary confinement, brain damage, agoraphobia
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** A presence of another human being is always a shock. This time, though, it's completely earth shattering.

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><p><strong>Saibh Aislin*<strong>

**Chapter One**

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><p>"You can't go in there!" Koenig's risen voice wakes him.<p>

Light sears through slits in his eyelids. Is it time for breakfast?

"I can go in there and I will," says another voice. That voice...

That voice haunts his dreams.

Ward bolts awake and up. He stands in the middle of the cell at attention, just like Coulson demands. Just like Garrett would want.

That voice.

That figure.

Thin, arms slanted, hands waving restlessly. The hair, is it shorter? Not curly like it used to be. Brow furrowed, face... He remembers that face, brows high, then; eyes wide, pleading. "We're friends, we had laughs together."

This face is different.

Eyes glare, dimmed.

"You have to come with me," voice says but is it the voice of this person?

Ward closes his eyes and tries to listen.

"We need help, damn it!" Voice screams. In the background Koenig mutters something or maybe shouts, stomps back and forth, Coulson, I'll call Coulson, but Ward only waits for that voice to speak.

"I have to get him out!"

"You won't open the energy barrier without authorization anyway."

"Then authorize... Do it!"

"I do not have the authorization. Only Director Coulson does."

"I'll open it myself. You can go. Go away!"

Steps. Something snaps open with a metallic clank. Curses. Fist slamming against the wall, more curses.

"You can't..."

"I can! I can, I could, I was doing that with my... with my... yes, eyes! Closed! I can... again. I'm getting better. Yes. Yes, I'm almost there. Yes."

Something chirps and a whiff of air brushes against Ward's face. He still stands in the middle of his room, motionless, eyes closed.

"Come!" voice commands.

Ward opens his eyes.

It is Fitz.

He's alive.

He knew Fitz was alive but he didn't know anything about the... damage.

"Are you coming? We have to go, they went in the wrong... in the... yes, direction. Wrong direction." He waves his arms, then scratches the side of his head. "I checked. Yes, twice! Gave them the wrong... before. We have to go."

"Where?" Ward asks, ignoring Koenig, who keeps shaking his head and is all flustered. Koenig doesn't matter. He doesn't exist, Ward killed him, he can still feel the weight of Koenig's dead body as he leaned against him, strangled. He can still remember how warm his blood was on his hands.

Fitz looks at him, blinking. Points a finger at the wall.

"To help Jemma."

Ward shakes his head and shrugs. He doesn't think he's in any position to help anybody. He's been in this cell... He doesn't even know how long. Measured days by the meals but it's entirely possible they were messing with him. There were no sunrises and no sunsets in this cell.

"We have to help Jemma," Fitz repeats. "Donnie... he has her. Yes, Gill, Donnie Gill, remember? I don't remember." He bows his head and scratches behind his ear. "What? Yeah, I do. I remember." Waves his hands again. "He has Jemma." Ward still glares at him. "No, not this Jemma, the real Jemma. We have to go."

And what was that?

"Real Jemma?" escapes Ward's lips.

"Yes. Not her, she's just in my head. But they think she's in the... in the... they think. And they gone, but she's in the lab actually and I can't jump after her like I did back then, from the plane. Like you did. I did?" He hits the ball of his palm against the side of his head. "Did it happen twice? I thought I saved her." He's whole body is shaking.

"Couldn't you just call Coulson and tell them to take a detour?" Koenig supplies, uncertainly, and Ward kind of agrees but he's kind of startled by Fitz's behavior. What is expected of him?

"Stop!" Fitz screams and holds his head in both his hands. "Just stop, this is the best plan, why can't you understand? Ward has to save her, because he can save her!"

And just like that, Ward knows what he's supposed to do.

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><p><strong>AN: **Please, don't hold it against me if I don't develop this story. I have a plot for it, I just don't know if it can happen. For emotional reasons. Gads, I'm a mess...

* it was supposed to mean "Sweet Dream" in Irish. But I guess it may also mean "Sawdust Dream". If anyone knows Irish and you see it's all wrong - feel free to correct me.

Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

**Saibh Aislin**

**Chapter Two**

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><p>He has a mission.<p>

"Where is that lab Donnie Gill keeps her?" Ward asks Fitz as they race up the stairs, Koenig trailing behind.

"It's, um... In the..."

"Do you have any maps? Surveillance? Anything? How did you trace him?"

"Cellphone. He called and it... um... bounced. The signal, yeah, the signal bounced off the towers. Me and Skye, we... she... Yeah, I'll say it but it's a difficult word, okay. It's long."

Ward pushes open the large and heavy reinforced steel door and together with Fitz they emerge in the corridor. It ends on the right side, merely a few steps away from the door, but to the left... To the left it is long, very long and Grant fights the sudden urge to break into a run. To run, run and never stop. His breath quickens and he feels dizzy.

"Triangulated," Fitz blurts. "In the lab."

"What?" Ward snaps at him. His vision is distorted, Fitz's face swims before his eyes, his heart is hammering in his chest.

"The signal. From the cellphone. Bounced off towers. And we triangulated it. And found him. And Coulson took the team, even though May said that he shouldn't ever go into the field again, but he did. All of them. Only Mackie stayed. But then Donnie called again and laughed at me..." Suddenly his face falls and he turns to the side. "I did?" He asks. "But I thought you... Not a single word?" He looks up at Ward again, his brow furrowed in surprise. "I said it all? Without stuttering?"

"Who is Mackie?" Ward tries to latch onto something tangible, something he can works with. Not Fitz's question. No, not Fitz's question.

"A mechanic. He... fixes... things. I can't ask him to take out Donnie but he can take us there."

"Where?"

Fitz points at the ceiling. "Lab. First."

They climb upstairs. The lab is spacious and filled with equipment and things that buzz and beep and clank and...

There is a window.

"Here." Fitz pulls Ward's sleeve but he's far away. Far, far away. The window. "Look. They went to the..." It's day. "The harbor, because the signal... it came from..." Tree. Green. Light. "From this... here... location. Yes! I know it's a warehouse, you don't have to tell me! See," Light. "Ward. Here. Ward! Ward? Why are you breathing so fast?"

When a hand lands on his bicep, Ward feels like electrocuted. His throat constricts and he feels all of his muscles tense, from the arm, through his back, neck, legs, feet. He can't make a move, he can't force sound from his throat but inside he screams, shrieks like a wild creature.

The hand lets go and Ward exhales forcefully. Inhales, exhales and feels like the crumbs that form his body come loose and fall away, one by one. The sound that escapes his lips is something between a moan and a sob.

A voice next to him mutters chopped off sentences.

"I don't know... I don't know, Simmons... I have no idea... Like, what do you want me to say?... I know you're not here, but... I don't... I don't know what to say..."

"Is he the guy?" Another voice asks, incredulous. "Is he the one who was supposed to help us?"

"Stop ordering me around!"

"What? I'm not... Simmons?"

"Order."

The silence falls for a moment and then Ward hears an authoritative.

"Stand straight, Ward, that's an order!"

And the room becomes clear again, focused. A tall black guy stands in front of Ward and glares at him, eyebrows high and furrowed, mouth open. He sighs.

"He's the one they kept in the vault, isn't he?" He turns to Fitz. "Damn it, man!"

"Yeah, I told him it was not a good idea," Koenig appears out of nowhere again. "Why don't we call Coulson-"

"He's on radio-silence, because of Talbot," Fitz snarks. "Besides Gill said that if anyone beside me comes, he'll kill her."

Ward remembers that he had been through stuff like that. Maybe not that long, Garrett had never wanted to completely destroy him, he'd needed him able to perform. But he had been in solitary. It had made him unhinged. But he had always managed to pull himself back together.

He just needed to focus on a mission.

"Where does he keep her?" He leans over the table. "What do we need to get her out?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Saibh Aislin  
><strong>**Chapter Three**

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><p>Another obstacle appears when they get out of the car. Mackie drove them to the building that houses the abandoned lab. Fitz is supposed to come through the main entrance, as instructed by Donnie Gill. Donnie Gill wants to exchange Jemma for Fitz, but Fitz thinks that's not his actual goal. He thinks he wants to kill Jemma anyway and for Fitz to watch it.<p>

And Fitz says that he hadn't let her die before and he won't let that happen now.

That's why Ward has to get in there as well, take position and take out Gill.

"Icer," he asked back at the base. He doesn't want to kill. He will if he has to, but he doesn't want to.

"Of course," responded Koenig. "We wouldn't want you to accidentally shoot someone other than the intended target."

"Look." Ward glared at him, trying to ignore the sick sensation the sight of this face always gave him. "If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead by now." He was probably the only one who realized how empty that threat was. Koenig took a step back, Mack grimaced and cast his eyes down and Fitz just looked from one to the other, slightly puzzled. "Let's just assume that I have other goals and that helping you save Simmons can get me that much closer to getting what I want."

"What goal would that be?" Koenig dared to ask but Ward didn't answer. Truth be told, he didn't know. He just wanted to do this. He just wanted to give Fitz what he needed.

They memorized the plans of the abandoned office building Donnie Gill directed them to. They checked for any electronic activity in the area. They prepared themselves for any unexpected circumstances they could think of in the short window of time they had.

Upon arrival they check again for video surveillance and it seems that the only precaution the kidnapper has taken, was to send the team elsewhere and blackmail Fitz. Gill is not very wise for a genius.

"We're good," Fitz announces, closes his laptop, opens the door and gets out of the car.

Grant opens his door too and steps out.

"I wait here," he hears Mackie's voice.

He looks around.

And he can't move.

The enormity of the building and surrounding neighborhood slams him like a punch in the face. Distances are too vast to cross. Sunlight tears at his eyes, rings in his ears. He holds onto the hood of the car as if it was his lifeline, the only solid point in the ocean of the unexplored.

"What's going on, man?" he hears a voice through the pounding of blood in his ears and he tries to scoot away from the shadow that now hovers near. He doesn't want to be touched, he can't be touched. "Easy."

It's not easy. It's everything but easy. Ward closes his eyes and tries to calm his racing heart. He has to get himself under control again, because they need him. Fitz and Simmons need him. He hopes it's not too late already.

He opens his eyes, looks at the building and vertigo slams him right back against the car again.

"Help me," he forces through clenched throat. Blindly reaches out for Mackie's hand. Out of the two evils he chooses this one, the support of the stranger. "Help me get to the building."

Mack doesn't ask questions, bless him. He acts. He doesn't hold Ward, doesn't push him, no. Instead he puts Ward's hand on his arm and together they advance to the side entrance.

Before they reach the building though, when they are in the middle of the open space, Mack stops.

"What the..." he breathes out.

Ward has no choice but to look around, even though the distances pull at him from all directions and stretch him like a rubber. Two people walk out of the building. He struggles to focus on them. It's Fitz and that guy, Donnie Gill. No sign of Simmons. He says something and Mack responds. He turns to Ward, speaks, but Ward can only concentrate on one thing at the time.

Well, two things, Donnie Gill's face and how to not get torn apart by tidal forces of all this expanse around him.

He raises the gun and takes the aim.

"No!" he hears a screem but manages to pull the trigger.

The blue bullet hits Donnie Gill squarely in the chest.


	4. Chapter 4

**Saibh Aislin  
><strong>**Chapter Four**

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><p>"No! What have you done? What is he doing here?" Simmons screams but all Grant can see is the blue, blue sky.<p>

"Not good," he hears Fitz mutter. "Not how it was supposed... No. Not how..."

"Fitz. Fitz, we have to do something. Ward! Get up! Seriously, what am I gonna do now? I can't leave you with all this! Why is he even here, Fitz? And what is wrong with him?"

"He... got shot with an icer."

"Not Donnie, Ward. He was't shot, he's conscious. Ward! Why don't you get up?" Her face appears in his line of vision and obscures the sky. Grant blinks rapidly and focuses on her. Oh her eyes and her lips. "Are you with me?" Her hand rests against his chest.

"Yes," his voice is hoarse.

"Why did you shoot Donnie?"

"He... wanted to kill you?"

"God, no! It was a cover. He was just telling you! He wanted an out, but I had to give Hydra some explanation. Well, he had to. I mean my kidnapping was supposed to be a trap for Coulson but then I would feign that Donnie lost it, tried to actually kill me and then I would just say that he died, this way Hydra wouldn't follow him. Why am I even telling you this? You are Hydra. But I thought you were in the vault! Fitz, why did you get him out?" She's silent for a minute, then, when Fitz doesn't answer, she shakes her head. "We have to get you all off the street and quickly. Did you have to shoot Mack too?"

Grant lifts his head. It's spinning and his vision is distorted, but sure enough, Mack lies on his side, half on top of him, eyes closed, face peaceful, sound asleep.

"Must have tried to tackle the gun from me and it... discharged..."

"Great."

Grant pulls himself out from under Mack's heavy form. Since he stopped glaring at the sky he feels a little less dizzy, so he decides that he'll only look at the ground now. Vertigo lessens, he realizes.

"I'll get him," he offers, "and the two of you, go, take Donnie. The car's just around the corner."

Fitz stands above them and scratches his head. Simmons looks at Ward for a long while, then nods, gets up and pulls Fitz's elbow. Whispers something to him.

Ward keeps his focus on the ground, while he picks up Mackie and carries him to the car. It's a good thing that he had so much time for push ups and sit ups and stretching excercises while in that cell, because Mack is really heavy.

They load the two unconscious men into the back seat and then Simmons gives Ward that accusatory glare again.

What the hell is going on? – he wants to ask, but reconsiders.

"Can you drive?" she asks instead.

"Who? Me? No."

"Fitz is in no shape to drive either and I was supposed to go back. Damn. If I get you all to the base first, I can say good bye to my cover."

"What cover?" Ward gives in to curiosity.

"In Hydra. Don't ask." She sighs and runs her hand through her hair. It's shorter, Grant realizes. "Get in, you too Fitz."

They drive in silence for a couple of minutes until Fitz blurts.

"Did you... How did you know... How long... That he was..."

"Who?" Simmons doesn't understand. "Donnie?"

"No. Not Donnie."

They are silent a few heartbeats, then Simmons briefly casts a glance at the back seat.

"Ward."

"Yeah. You knew he was in the... in... down. There. Before you left."

"It's why I left," she sais quietly. "One of the reasons. When did you find out?"

Fitz doesn't speak for a long while and Simmons doesn't push. They approach the base and suddenly all Ward wants is to go back there, into his cell. He's so tired.

"Skye went there," Fitz says quietly when they pull up inside the garrage. "I wanted to... She was upset. Next. She went there and next she was upset. Wanted to know."

"It was very risky to let him out," Simmons whispers to Fitz but Ward hears it anyway. She then glances briefly at him, then averts her eyes but not before she skimms his wrists, the healed wounds on them.

"I want to go back to my cell now," Grant speaks out loud, so they know he is not a threat.


	5. Chapter 5

**Saibh Aislin  
><strong>**Chapter Five**

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><p>They walk down the staris, then through the long corridor, toward the heavy steel door. Koenig in the front, silent, perhaps a little resentful. Ward right behind him, in handcuffs. Were they necessary though? And Simmons in the rear, with an icer. As they approach their destination, the walls seem to be closing in, but it's probably just an illusion.<p>

"How are you doing?" Simmons asks suddenly when they are about ten steps away from the door.

Ward stops, turns to her. He isn't sure what he's supposed to say. Why did she ask, what answer does she expect to hear from him? He shrugs.

She looks him straight in the eyes and sais in a voice barely above a whisper. "I still dream about... that moment, you know. Falling. I see your face in my dreams as you stand there and push the button. Do you?"

"Not anymore."

"Yeah." She sighs and lowers her head. "I guess time heals all wounds."

She takes his wrist and examins the wound, then looks up at his hairline. Pushes the hair back. Where her fingers brush his skin, Ward feels electric shock. A mild one but it takes all of his self control not to flinch.

"Those healed." She steps back. "Have you tried again?"

"No."

"Good. Don't. It won't fix anything and..." she hesitates, falls silent.

"I know." Ward picks up where she left off. He wants to reassure her that there's no need to fear him, that he's cooperating. He wants to. "I may help you still. With intel. I was telling Skye all you need to..."

"Don't tell me," she cuts in. She doesn't look at him, her lips pursed, face set. "Let's go," she instructs Koenig and the man nudges Ward's elbow.

They come to the door, Koenig punches in the code and pulls it open. Everything feels normal, calm even; Grant is returning home.

Until he sees the cell.

"No," escpaes his suddenly constricted throat.

Those padded walls, the bed with scratchy blanked, cold floor under his bare feet. Mack gave him shoes for this mission but they will sure take them away now. They will leave him in this empty room after they let him see the sun for a few hours. They will leave him alone, with nothing to do, not knowing when Skye is coming, when they will need intel again. Waiting. They will maybe turn off the lights too. Or maybe not, if he'll behave? He behaved. He helped them. Maybe they'll leave the lights on.

"Please…" he whispers but he can't say anything more, his throat is so tight. He realizes he kneels on the landing and there's this opening right before him, six-seven feet to the floor, no barrier. If he just…

"Okay, that's enough." He hears Simmons's decisive tone. "Take him back up, we'll lock him up in some other place."

"There isn't any other place secure enough," Koenig protests, but Simmons cuts him off.

"Find one. You know this base inside out, I'm sure you'll figure out something. Come on Ward."

He doesn't understand. It takes a few long moments for Ward to see Simmons's outstretched hand and realize that the way she stands – she's blocking the stairs leading down. Her other hand points at the stairs leading back up, toward the outside, the light, the air.

Grant glances at her to make sure she means it. He glances at Koenig and the man shakes his head, clearly displeased, but he turns around and climbs back up.

Andother glance at Simmons.

"Come on," she urges without a smile.

Grant scrambles to his feet and hesitates. Looks at her, this time without shyness.

"Aren't you afraid of me?" he asks.

Her response surprises him.

"No. I am not." She smiles with sadness, but her eyes remain cold. "I still hate you for what you've done to Fitz," she adds, "don't get me wrong. But I am not afraid of you anymore. I stopped being afraid of you when I started being afraid for you. And trust me, I hate myself for feeling this way. I hate myself for caring about your miserable life. But I do. And I won't let you suffer like this anymore. If we do this, if we, as S.H.I.E.L.D., stoop so low... then how are we any better than Hydra?"


End file.
